Whitewash the Crow

Dear Readers
The young Carrion Crow ‘Whitewash’ was at his usual patch of grass this morning, adjacent to the car park of not so notable chartered accountants Fcukworth Barsteward & Son in the lowlife parish of Loserbury.

This tragic creature, like so many of his human counterparts in this diocese, was the unfortunate product of closely related parents - in the case of Whitewash, a union of geriatric cripple and his own sister. The obvious outward deformities such as the lack of pigment and stunted growth will be just a fraction of the genetic defects little Whitewash has to cope with. Additionally, early signs of ‘problem’ behaviour have already manifested themselves in acts of stone throwing, milk stealing and picking cigarette butts from the gutter.

Like others before him that were supposed to be black and ended up white, there’s little hope of poorly Whitewash living a long and healthy life. But let’s not grieve. We know nature abhors perfection and out of this sorry existence may come triumph. For example the simple act of puncturing a plastic milk bottle on the doorstep of Fcukworth Barsteward & Son may just possibly lay low the employees of the not so notable chartered accountants in the lowlife parish of Loserbury – and surely that’s no bad thing!

THE END